If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else,
you will have succeeded.
— Maya Angelou

Of all the things to try, this is perhaps the most interesting.  And in the long run, maybe the most powerful.  Making connections is so basic, yet for all its common sense, we let it fly right out the window and are left feeling alone, trapped, and isolated.  What a curious trick we play on ourselves.  And the smarter we are, the harder we fall for this one.  After all, we should be able to pull our own selves out of the pit, right?  Partial baloney.

Connections support us in shoring up resilience.

They can actually make our rugged individualism work better.  Seems counter-intuitive.  But our ability to help ourselves is strangely related to our willingness to accept help from others.  The best results come from figuring out  the when, who, and how of good connections, and in finding a good balance of power.

There are offers for ‘relationship’ all over the place.

So many, in fact, that even billboards ‘talk’ to us.  We cannot escape the calls for involvement in someone else’s agenda.  Give to my worthy cause, help me make my quota, win the contest, fight the bad guys, cure warts, save the wild things.  Just when the year-end bills roll in, the mailbox is full of notes from people begging to have a relationship with us.

Those are not the types of connections we’re talking about!

There is a difference between impersonal communication and the relationships which include real dialog and offer personal support.  A billboard will never listen to you.  Neither will a solicitation, not even one for a good cause.  Not even one from your very favorite cause.

However, helping others is known to be a part of happiness.  So how do we decide which connections can help us be strong-hearted?  One of the best resilience builders comes from the go-power of personal connections and mutual support.

It’s the support from people who care about us,
and are willing to listen to us,

that strengthens our resilience and chases away the blues.  And offering that to others is the second half.

Giving and helping are great ways to experience the benefits of supportive connection.  Being a gracious receiver is equally powerful.  Both are halves of the same whole.  It’s having good relationships with close friends, family members, acquaintances, peers, teachers, and others, that is important.  If one of your sources is unavailable or unwilling, there must be others in your system to whom you can turn.

When we lose someone in our supportive connections loop,
we have to find a way to connect again — with a new link.

Think of at least three persons you can count on, and if you need to build up your social support system, begin right now.  Build a second tier, and envision a third.  Not to worry, just start adding one connection at a time.

Some people develop those connections by being active in social or civic groups, faith-based organizations, shared-interest groups, study groups, mastermind groups, exercise groups, book groups, attending classes, or helping with local projects which benefit the community.  If your are beginning a new project, like mastering a new skill, or starting your own business,

the success rate shoots up fast when you have a
good mentor or partner

— someone to hash out ideas with, and someone to whom you feel accountable.  The willingness to be connected benefits both parties.

You can see different levels of understanding this concept all around you.  For example, some neighborhoods have block parties every year, while others have residents who don’t even know who their neighbors are.  Some people start a new enterprise and fall prey to the discouragement of flying solo in the learning storm, while others are soon flying solo with great success, exactly because they found connections and other resources which helped them to do so.

Look at your own relationships in different contexts.

Friends, family, acquaintances old and new.  Who has a positive outlook?  Who is doing pretty well with the attitude thing?  Which ones like themselves and enjoy other people?  Who could laugh and cry with you?  Who can forgive and heal from hurt?  Who is able to do what they say they will do?  Who can manage to live within their means?  Who can try new things?  Who has hope?  Who makes you feel good about yourself?

These are the ones to run to!

These are the connections which will help you practice good skills, hopeful world views and healthy habits, and keep you from spending too much time in fear and worry.  Tend these connections and add someone like-minded if you lose one.  Be that person for someone else.  Reclaim hope.

Stay resilient by making good connections.

“Changes induced by skill learning are MASSIVE.”
— Michael Merzenich

Neuroscientist Michael Merzenich is one of several researchers looking into the brain’s ability to actively re-wire itself.  We are just beginning to glimpse this incredible power, and relate it to lifestyle, our choices of behavior, and just about all the activities in our daily doings.

Evidently our brains are selective.  They have strategies for defining the meaning of whatever input they receive.  Under our attentional and behavioral control, they determine the significance of events.  Our brain structures actually change in some pretty interesting ways when we learn new skills.

What we put our attention on MATTERS!

Want to be happier, increase your abilities, capabilities, and general sense of wellbeing?  YOU are in charge of creating your own adult brain!  What you focus on and how you nurture yourself makes all the difference in the world in maintaining

Your Own High-Functioning Learning Machine.

Go check out some of the links, courses, and reports found over on the sidebar.  And heck, go to the library!  Read Daniel Amen’s books.  Find out about brain aerobics and how you can exercise your capacity to move toward goals and dreams.

You-Know-Who Is Responsible for Your Brain from Now On  :)

You can hear Dr. Merzenich live at the TED Conference, giving a packed 20 minutes on the subject.  It’s a rather academic (how’s that for dry?) lecture but if you can sit in class a few minutes, here it is.  Be sure to watch toward the end, when he talks about rescuing our own brains from the slip and slide of decline.

Our Brains are “Constructed for Change.”
Go learn something that interests you!

Here’s Michael Merzenich for free:

Daniel Amen’s books are full of practical, very doable steps toward the changes Michael Merzenich is talking about.  You can get your own and avoid those pesky overdue notices from the library.  Change Your Brain Change Your Life, and Magnifiicent Mind at any Age, are both keepers.  Remember, what you put your attention on Matters!